


A character study of Severus Snape

by HappinessNeverEnds



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Devotion, Gen, Grief, Introspection, Love, Reflection, Some repressed thoughts, Stream of Consciousness, but it is snape how else would he survive?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappinessNeverEnds/pseuds/HappinessNeverEnds
Summary: Love takes on many forms...A fleeting glimpse into the thoughts of Severus Snape, re: Harry Potter.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Severus Snape, Lily Evans & Severus Snape
Kudos: 7





	A character study of Severus Snape

You idiot child. 

What I would have done, what I could have done with half of the power, the influence, the loyalties that belongs to you. How you bumble blindly, naïvely, hopeful, betrayed. How you are still alive is beyond me.

(But then, if it had been me, perhaps even with the power and prestige, I could not have gained the loyalties that you have. Perhaps, it is your naïve, bumbling… That draws others to trust in you.)

Do you not know how to value your own life? 

Why are you fighting in this war? Why must you always be brave? Why must you always stand up? She would have wanted you to be safe. She would have wanted you to be happy. She would have loved you even if you had remained seated.

(She loved me.) 

(...I think. Once upon a time.)

You could have died. Your life that she gave hers for. How dare you waste it so.

(But she was the same way, was she not? Standing up reckless, feckless, stupidly fearless. So why am I even surprised that you are doing the same? At least she was smarter than you are now. You idiot child.)

You don’t understand. For me, there exists no right or wrong, there is no good or evil, none of that matters. To me, there is only what is and what is not. And Lily is amongst the latter. 

(And I, amongst the former.)

Those… words. Right and wrong, good or evil, they matter to you, do they not? They matter to you still. But you are Lily’s child. Truly Lily‘s. Lily, too, had that naïve, hopeful, idealistic, half-blind view of the world. Lily, who ran off with Potter, and put her faith in Dumbledore. I could never understand how she kept it, but I admired her for it nonetheless. (Like how I admire you, sometimes, when I am not tearing my hair out.) It is part of why I loved her. How can I be surprised that her blood runs true in you? 

How I hate you for that. 

(That you are not her.)

How can I stop you from fighting for what you believe in, when she did the same?

(And died for it. Will you, too?)

I tell the world I hate you because you are Potter‘s spawn. But that is what I tell the world. The truth is, I hate you because you are Lily‘s, and... You remind me of her, every breath, every word. You remind me that she is not here. (To see you grow.) You remind me that she died protecting you. (And I cannot bear that loss a second time.)

When she died, I had lost the only thing in this world that mattered. (Only realizing then, what really mattered.) Dumbledore’s manipulations, Voldemort’s obsessions, none of it mattered to me. As if I couldn’t see them for what they were. Neither of them were truly better than the other. But, I didn’t care. They can take from me what they want. I have nothing left. (Not for them, nor for you.)

That night that I found her, I shattered. Only the thought that there are things that I must still do, has kept me going. I am running on her conviction, her wishes, her once– love. When I have fulfilled her expectations of me, then I shall depart. My life, I live in respect of her memory.

(Always.)

**Author's Note:**

> I just think that… love and hate are two sides of the same coin, are they not?
> 
> There are multiple places where this piece could have existed. I think Snape is such a complex character, I wouldn’t even know at which point he thinks what. He is just… Fascinating to me. How strong he had to be, the depth of his character, to endure as he did. How lonely his existence must have been. 
> 
> And somehow, he got into my head, and then I got into his. Or tried to, at least. 
> 
> I think, after writing this, that Snape maybe was relieved to have died before having to see Harry killed in front of his eyes (again). And in the afterlife, he would have been content, that Harry’s child lived, and was named in respect of his memory. 
> 
> Hope you like, it’s short and sweet. Comments and reviews are welcome.


End file.
